Humilia

INT. OF AN APARTMENT. A man in his mid-twenties is primping in front of a mirror in a bathroom. He’s wearing artificially distressed jeans and an Ed Hardy t-shirt beneath an unbuttoned dress shirt with the collar “popped.” He sprays himself with an excessive amount of body spray before putting on a trilby (a short-brimmed fedora).

MAN: [pointing to himself in the mirror with both hands] Look out, ladies: the man of your dreams is coming for you!

The shot becomes a freeze-frame and becomes black and white. We hear the man from earlier speaking in voice over.

MAN: [VO only] Does this look familiar to you? Perhaps this reminds you of yourself or someone you know.

CUT to the man from earlier in front of a blank, white background. He is now dressed in a solid-colored sweater and khaki pants.

MAN: That was me three months ago. Pretty obnoxious, right? It turns out, I didn’t have any shame.

CUT to an animation of a human brain as the man continues speaking. The animation portrays what the man is describing.

MAN: [VO only] Shame is produced when the chemical mediocris ignominiam is released by the amygdala. Unfortunately, some people don’t produce enough shame and often become, like, just the worst. Thankfully, Humilia can help. Humilia increases the production of shame to normal levels.

CUT to a montage of the man interacting with people in various situations in an amiable way: talking to friends in a restaurant, walking a dog while accompanying a woman, turning his phone off while waiting for a movie to start, etc. During the montage, a female announcer is heard.

ANNOUNCER [VO only]: Humilia is for those who struggle with feeling adequate levels of shame in their life. Most users reported feeling ashamed of their past decisions in as little two weeks. Side effects include being polite to members of the opposite sex, feeling uncomfortable when hearing racist jokes, having better taste in movies and TV shows, no longer bragging about your honestly unimpressive bench press max, seizures, and death. Humilia is not for children or foreigners.

CUT to the man in a bar.

MAN: [to camera] With Humilia, I can actually interact with people like a normal, healthy human being. [To a woman sitting at bar] Hi, I’m Chad. What’s your name?

CUT to a splashy Humilia logo. The chemical name of Humilia, desinas irrumator, should appear in parentheses.

ANNOUNCER: [VO only] Ask your doctor if Humilia is right for you.

END